Difficulties and Goals

It is extremely difficult to write down your own ideas. With also that I have other schoolwork and things to do at the same time, but I can handle it, hopefully lol. Sometimes I get down on my books and feel like they are gonna be complete crap. And other days I am extremely satisfied with things I have come up with. But thats a day to day process. My goal is to have atleast my first draft done by this summer. What has taken the longest is to feel ready enough to start writing. I have had countless different beginnings to my story. But I think the one I have now will stick. But when I did the first chapter it was probably last summer. Then I started on the second chapter and a little of the the third in the fall. And now I am finishing up the fourth. I keep stopping and staring, because I keep feeling like I'm not ready to start yet. I get so self conscious when I write and feel it isn't good enough. Then I stop and when I start back again I can write. One thing I have learned is that for some reason I can sit at my laptop for hours and not write a thing. But when I get my notebook everything starts pouring out. I don't know why that is. But I am cooperative to work with it.